100 Years

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Tis only a Matter of Time

I think all of us can agree there are certain things in this world that are inevitable, or as Kim Jong Il once said, enebidable. The old cliché is that death and taxes cannot be avoided, however, after reading the AP wire tonight I am here to say we left off the most obvious of the unavoidable.

Today, in Malibu California, child welfare services visited the Spears’ home. I feel I should now rant about how one can feel shock without feeling a grain of surprise but alas I need to move on if I hope to have this post up within the decade. What is up with K-Fed and Mrs. Spears? One would think that millions, no 100’s of millions of dollars would be enough for anyone to leave behind their white trash ways - apparently not in their case.

They continue to prove the world wrong. First K-Fed proves to critics and the world that he can rap, has anyone heard Popo Zoa? Enough said. Then Britney proves that children can drive under the age of 2. Now the uber-tard couple is once again up to their ole shenanigans. Since welfare services and the sheriff’s department aren’t releasing any details we are free to speculate. So let me be the first to take a stab at it, my guess is that Brit used a baby Sean-filled rucksack as a blackjack and tried to split K-Feds goofy grill with it. If this scenario hasn’t played itself out yet, my friends, it soon will because it is only a matter of time... Duncanpatch


Yesterday I received what I believe is called a chain letter in my inbox. This chain letter called for all Americans (hopefully with a valid driver’s license) to stop buying gas from Exxon Mobil in order to show the man that we won’t stand for any of his malarkey. Sure this is a Nobel Peace Prize worthy chain letter but I feel that we as a society can do better. So my fellow hard working American citizens, I present to you my plan.
I propose that on April 18th at 10am, every tax paying citizen should go to their nearest Exxon Mobil and fill their vehicles up with the highest quality gasoline this country (well, Iraq is pretty much our country) has to offer. Please DO NOT fill up with Unleaded 87…are you cheap or something? Make sure your gas tank is on empty before you fill up to make the most impact. You might also want to get your car washed while you are there. You can get the basic package but for only $3 more, you might as well get the platinum car wash. Let’s make sure we show Exxon Mobil that not only do we need gas, but we are willing to pay whatever it takes to fill up our tank. Let Exxon Mobil know that without them, we’d all be burdened with riding bikes, walking and God forbid, riding public transportation (ewwww). I personally have no desire to sweat or have to wait for a bus so I am going to fill up both of my SUVs to prove my point. The more money I give Exxon Mobil, the more they will know that I care.
Just think, if each of us sends this to 30 people and they send it to 30 people and etc., we can really show Exxon Mobil that they are the heart of the grand Ole’ USA. Without them, we’d have nothing to complain about. Until April 18th…One PB.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Hall of Fame Ballot

First Ballot Hall of Fame

The class of 2005 has proven to be a real SOB. As we hoist these jerseys to our storied rafters, I ask for each writer’s election vote during the Hall of Fame process to take place early next month.

One cannot argue with the career numbers of these storms, they are impressive and speak for themselves – 30 foot storm surges, 2,000 dead, and 100 billion in damage should make these storms a first ballot Hall of Fame selection.

I ask that each of you join with me and honor these storms as they take their rightful place in US storm history.

Behold - Ear Pick Photos

Notice the ergonomic handle
and beveled blade, makes for
easy, non-carpal tunnel syndrome
inducing ear picking. It also works great on

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Re: Role Call!

OnePB over here. I love all paper products. Good thing since we have a million steno note pads, legal pads and colorful Post-Its. Myself and Pi are also quite fond of the staple remover that can be used as Q-Tip. Save the environment!

RE: Role Call!!

My name is Pi and my favorite office supplies are pushpin tacks.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Role Call!

Can I get some action from the back section?
State your name and favorite office supplies.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

A Tremendous and Stupendous Feat

After long hours of research and self mortification to keep my heart and mind focused on the task at hand I have discovered something that was, by many peoples account, thought to have existed only in myth or legend.

The legend of Dr. Cornwallis started 1 year ago and as the team learned of his astonishing acts of managerial maneuvering his legend grew and grew. Yet no one was able to find photographic, taxonomic, or fossil record of this man, nay god.

So until this day the legend has remained shrouded in mystery, unknown to Outside Livers - as we call those who live outside the domain of the OnePB - but known to those inside the OnePB and vexed over like one who perplexes over the origins of life itself.

Much like L. Ron Hubbard enlightened millions of his followers [Tom Cruise, Isaac Hayes, Kirstie Alley – the list of great minds goes on and on], I too am here to enlighten.

Without further ado, my friends I give you the only known photographic evidence of Dr. Cornwallis…

Bad Eagle

Not only has the eagle landed, the eagle has also crapped all over his desk... Please see cropped photo evidence.

Monday, April 03, 2006

The Eagle Has Landed.

Repeat...the eagle has landed. This is not a false alarm.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Have you met R--j?

R--j is our friend from the former land of Kurd-istan. Hey, that rhymes! R--j is a jack of all trades but you really must remember...
If you make the unfortunate mistake of doing so, our beloved R--j will turn into a viscous Ku-rd and drink all of your coffee. But really, he is a nice guy. Let's learn a little bit about him, shall we?
  • R--j's mama came from Texas on a horse
  • His vajayjay brings all the boys to the yard
  • He loves Starbucks
  • On Tuesdays he is well, I'll just say this...If he asks you to hang out with him in a bathroom say no (but only say no on Tuesdays)
  • He likes to wear his shirt unbuttoned and shoes with no socks at work. As Ryan said, "You can't take the Euro[trash] out of him." (Don't listen to him R--j, Eurotrash is in. Love, Mer)
  • He once bought a pair of socks from Lacoste

So...If any of you ladies (or guys on Tuesdays) like what you see, give us a holla and we will hook you up!

R--j, we love you. Please don't go changin'....One PB